Love Crushed Read online

  My heart constricts in my chest as it always does when I think about what Dad has done to us, but most of all what he’s done to Mom. I’ve watched her slowly fade away the past few weeks, slowly becoming a shell of a woman, one who seems hollow and empty on the inside. I’ve yet to meet up with my dad. I’m afraid of the emotions our meeting is going to bring, and I don’t want to say anything I’ll regret. And—surprise, surprise—he’s not called once to check on me or try to see me.

  “In the kitchen.”

  I enter the kitchen and find my mom on her knees, on top of the counter and scrubbing the cabinets. All the dishes are stacked on the countertop and kitchen table. This is what she does when she’s upset or stressed—she cleans.

  “Gabby called and wants me to go out with them for New Year’s. Are you going to be okay?” Another reason I don’t want to go is that I don’t want to leave her alone. For the past twenty-something, almost thirty, years, my dad has kissed her when the ball drops. I know this evening is going to be hard on her, and I feel that I’m abandoning her, too.

  “Oh, I’ll be fine.” She waves me off with one hand and continues to wipe down the inside shelves with the other. “Go. Have fun and enjoy being young. It’s been awhile since you’ve done anything. You need to get out and stop worrying about your old mom.”

  Her voice is light and chipper, and I know it’s all an act, but I’ll give her what she wants today. I can’t get out of going tonight anyway without spilling my guts to Gabby.

  “All right, but call if you need anything, and I’ll probably be back tonight.” I slowly back out of the room, making sure she really is okay and won’t need me.

  “Tiffany Marie Johnson, if you don’t go, I’m going to tan your hide. I said I’ll be fine, and stop with the coming-back nonsense. Go drink and have fun with your friends.” She finally stops cleaning and faces me, and for the first time in weeks, I see a glimmer of the woman I love.

  “Gotta catch me first.” I poke my tongue out at her and then grin.

  “I’m not that old, you little shit. Now go!” Eyes just like mine glare at me, and her fists are firmly planted on her hips.

  I breathe a small sigh of relief as weight lifts off my shoulders. We may never be the family we once were, but for the first time in a while, I feel as though we’ll be okay.

  “If you say so,” I sing-song while skipping over to her. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss her cheek. “I love you, Momma.” No matter what, I know I’ll always be able to count on this woman. She’ll always be behind me, loving me, and showing me how much I mean to her.

  “I love you, too, baby girl.” She cups my face in her hand and kisses my forehead. “Now get. You’re going to be late.”

  ***

  “So where have you been? Has someone got a new man and they haven’t told me about him? You haven’t been here all week.” She grins and wiggles her eyebrows up and down.

  We’re in Gabby’s room getting dressed for the night, and I knew these questions were going to come, so I spent the whole drive here coming up with my lie. I laugh to cover the sting of her words and the thought of the guy that was occupying my time.

  “No, no guy. I’ve been staying at my parents’ house. I figured since it was break, you and Cam could use the time alone, and I hadn’t stayed with them in a while. Plus it’s free food, and you know how Mom is about laundry.” Keeping my eyes focused on my hair, I pray she doesn’t see the pain I have buried.

  “You don’t have to do that. Cam and I would never want you to feel like you’re not welcome.” She chews the corner of her mouth, and her face droops in sadness.

  “No, Gabby, don’t feel like that. That’s not what I meant at all, and I know you and Cam would never make me feel I’m imposing. It’s been cool hanging with Mom. We actually haven’t had our girl time in a long time.” If she only knew how our time has really been spent, she would be more upset about not being there. All the more reason to keep this news locked up tight.

  I need to move this conversation away from my mom, and the best way to distract Gabby is to talk about Cam.

  “How are things with y’all anyway?” I put the finishing touches on my makeup, and I start to feel a little nauseated. The thought of facing Josh is really doing a number on me. I haven’t been this sick-at-my-stomach nervous since grade school.

  “They’re great! The week in Gatlinburg was heaven, and we spent three whole days at the cabin.” She sighs and gets a dreamy look in her eyes while my heart and stomach pitch. Gatlinburg is heaven, especially when you have a great guy to pass the time with.

  My throat starts to clog, and I try to fight down the acid working its way up, but no matter how hard I swallow, it comes up. I dart for her door.

  “Be right back. Gotta pee.”

  Tonight’s going to be horrible if I can’t keep my emotions under control, and I’ve not had a drop of liquor.

  *Josh*

  Tiffany’s been avoiding me. I’ve tried to call and text her but received no reply, and tonight she won’t have a choice. She’ll be stuck at the same place that I am. After being angry for one week, pissing and moaning and acting like a pussy for another, I finally thought things out. What if all of this shit was a test? I failed miserably. When the going got tough, I threw in the towel and gave up. Fuck some bullshit about setting someone free. You suck your shit up and go after what you want. Fight with everything you have until you win the gold.

  My pussyfooting around is over. It’s time to become a man and get the fuck what I want, and what I want is Tiffany Johnson, in my bed, every morning and night.

  I don’t want to cause a scene or admit to others what’s really been going on between Tiffany and me, but I miss her and being buried inside her hot little body. So I need to keep myself in check and get her away from Gabby long enough to talk.

  When I get to the bar, it’s already packed. I work my way through the crowd, scanning the area and looking for Tiffany, Gabby, and Cam. Gabby sent me a text right before I got here saying they were here and had a table. My six-foot height helps, but in a space this crowded, it’s still hard to find them.

  Finally, I spot the blond hair that I would know anywhere, and a jolt of awareness zaps through me. It’s been three long weeks, and I can’t wait to drink in the sight of her. If I play my cards right, maybe I can get her to go home with me and ring in the New Year the right way. My cock twitches behind the fly of my jeans, and I reach down to readjust myself.

  I make my way over to them, and Gabby’s the first to spot me. Tiffany has her back to me, so I put my finger over my lips, indicating for Gabby to be quiet and not give me away. A small smile pulls at her lips, and she shakes her head as if saying, “Oh Lord, here we go.”

  I scoop Tiffany off the barstool, spin her in a circle, and yell, “Happy New Year, Kitten.”

  “Ahhhh!” She jerks and kicks in my arms, but she loses some of her fight when she realizes it’s me. “Put me down, you idiot!”

  I slide her down my body, setting her back on her feet. Her body is pressed tight against mine, and a throb builds between my legs. I chuckle when she spins and glares at me, then she turns to a laughing Gabby.

  Tiffany has always been beautiful, but when she’s pissed and has fire dancing in her eyes, she’s the hottest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. The short pink dress she’s wearing doesn’t do much to help my erection either. Her long, soft white legs are on display, and the black-and-pink cowboy boots only add to my desire for her.

  God, what I wouldn’t give to pick her up and wrap her legs around me, carry her off to the back hall, and sink deep inside her. I’m like a dying man out in the desert, dying for his next drink. I need her like I need water.

  “You bitch. You knew he was going to do that, didn’t you?”

  Gabby sucks her lips in between her teeth and nods. Then, losing the battle to hold herself together, she bursts out laughing again.

  “I’m revoking your best friend card,” Tiffany huffs as she si
ts back on her barstool, pouting.

  God, I’ve missed this fiery woman and the craziness she brings to my life. I sling my arm over her shoulder and pull her closer.

  “Aww, come on, Kitten. You know we all get a kick out of scaring you.”

  “That’s all right, asshole. I’ll get you back.” She shoots me another glare and pushes me away. Crossing her legs, she flips her hair off her shoulder. “I’ll get you, too, hooker.” She jabs her finger at Gabby.

  I smack Cam on the back in greeting, then I make my way over to hug and kiss Gabby on the cheek.

  We sit around and talk for a bit, and Tiffany ignores me, not once making eye contact. I get that she’s probably still mad at me, and I did say some pretty harsh things, but above all, we’re supposed to stay friends. She told me that no matter what, she would always be my friend, yet she’s treating me as if I’m a stranger. Anger and determination swirl in my blood. I need to get her alone, and it’s about time I get some answers.

  “I’m going to go grab a beer. Anyone need anything?” I stand and glance around the table.

  “I’ll go with you.” Cam stands then leans down and kisses Gabby. “What do you want, baby?”

  “Tiff, what about you? Want something?”

  Finally. Finally she looks at me.

  “Just a water’s fine.” Seeing my raised brow, she adds, “It’s still early, and my stomach’s been all messed up today.”

  “Are you feeling bad?” Shit. If she’s sick, she shouldn’t be here. She should be in bed resting. “Do you want me to take you home?” My need to protect and care for her surfaces, and I’m ready to do whatever she needs.

  She shakes her head. “No, I’m okay now. I just don’t want to risk it.” She waves me off, and unease sits heavy in the pit of my stomach. Something’s not right, and I plan to figure out what it is as soon as I can get her alone.

  Cam and I head to the bar to order our drinks and have to wait five minutes to even place our order.

  “Damn, this place is crazy tonight. I almost wish we had stayed at the house and done something low-key.” Cam shouts to be heard over the loud noises of the bar and music.

  “You ain’t kidding.” I brush off the girl nearby who’s sending me the fuck-me eyes and turn to Cam. “Remind me again why we came here.”

  “Gabby” is his simple reply.

  Finally, after fifteen minutes of waiting and with drinks in hand, we work our way back to the girls, only to find Gabby alone and Tiffany nowhere in sight. Did she take off knowing I was going to get her alone at some point tonight?

  “Where the fuck is Tiffany?” Before I can control myself, the words slip out on an angry growl.

  “Dancing.” Gabby points to the dance floor, and her eyebrows pinch together in a question.

  My head snaps over, and like a beacon, my eyes are immediately drawn to her. She’s grinding her ass into a skinny blond guy’s crotch.

  “Fuck!” I see red. After I beat the shit out of the douche dry-humping my woman’s ass and running his hands all over her perfect body, I’m going to strangle her and shake some sense into her.

  I drain my beer, slam the empty bottle on the table, and storm off, out for blood. “Hey, get your hands off her.” I rip the blond guy off her and shove him away.

  “Sorry, dude. Didn’t know she had a man.” He holds his hands up and is smart enough to turn and walk away.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Tiffany’s angry screech comes from behind me, and I turn on her.

  “Outside. Now,” I growl out between gritted teeth. It’s time we had our long overdue talk, and I’m not letting her get away this time.

  “And just who the hell do you think you are?” Her piercing blue eyes are squinted, and her hands are balled up in fists and firmly planted on her hips.

  “I won’t say it again. Outside, Tiffany.” I’m hanging on by a thread, and it’s taking every bit of control I have not to throw her over my shoulder and carry her out of here.

  “Fuck. You.” She leans forward and spits the words in my face.

  “That’s it.” With no other warning, I plant my shoulder in her stomach and lift her effortlessly.

  “Joshua Murphy, put me down right now.” She pounds her small fists into my back, but she only pushes me forward faster.

  I walk to the end of the hall, past the bathrooms and down by the stock room. Spinning her around, I drop her in front of me, caging her in with her back against the wall and my arms on either side of her head. I didn’t really want to cause a scene tonight, but if that’s what it takes, so be it. The cat and mouse game we’ve always played was fun, but I’m through playing games.

  “What did I tell you about other guys touching what’s mine?” I grind out, my body shaking with rage and the need to possess her.

  “Are you kidding me? I was never yours, and do you not remember walking away from me three weeks ago?” She shoves against my chest, but I don’t budge.

  “I was pissed and hurt, said some things I didn’t mean. Doesn’t make it right, but I’m sorry. It doesn’t change the fact that we have something between us. And I’m sick to fuckin’ death of you runnin’ from it. That shit ends now.”

  “You don’t dictate what happens in my life. This is the shit I was talking about. It was fun while it lasted, but it’s over now, and if you’ll stop acting like a possessive asshole, we can stay friends.” Her eyes are dark and missing that light that used to flare up when she was pissed.

  What the hell happened to her? Did I really hurt her that bad? The pain I see is a punch to the gut. What did you think, idiot? Sometimes words can cut deeper than a physical blow, and you pretty much called her a whore.

  She catches me off guard and darts under my arm. She gets out but not quick enough to get away. My arm shoots out and hooks around her waist.

  “Where do you think you’re going? We’re not done talking.”

  “You might not be, but I am. I don’t want to fight with you, and this is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Do you really want to ruin your sister’s first New Year’s with Cam? Leave it alone.” She yanks her arm free and storms down the hall.

  Holy shit. What is going on? I really have fucked this up, and all the work I had done is gone. I have to start from scratch. Sighing, I drop my head and rake my fingers through my hair. I guess that fight for the gold is going to be harder than I thought, but it’ll be worth it. She just needs a little more time to cool down, and in the meantime, I need to show her how special she is and what she means to me. I just hope it’s enough and that I can fix this.

  I head to the bar to order another beer. Leaning back against the long wooden top, I scan the crowd and spot Tiffany. She walks up behind Gabby—who is wrapped around Cam dancing—and Tiffany starts grinding up against Gabby.

  I laugh and shake my head, but I take a deep, sobering breath. I would give anything to be out there with her right now. I’ve never cared much for dancing. No particular reason. It’s just never been my thing. But with Tiffany? I would do anything to have her wrapped in my arms again. Head leaned on my shoulder while I breathe her in. Pain grips and twists my insides.

  Gabby goes ramrod straight until Tiffany whispers something in her ear, and Cam starts laughing. Right after that, the girls join in the laughter, and jealousy claws at my gut. I hate that I’m missing out on her laugh.

  Cam joins me at the bar, and I watch Gabby make her way to the bathroom. Tiffany stays on the dance floor, arms in the air, hips swaying to the music. My cock starts to swell again. God, the things she does with those hips.

  As Cam places drink orders for him and Gabby, I never take my eyes off Tiffany. She makes her way back over to the guy I pulled off her not even twenty minutes ago. My jaw locks tight, and I grind my back molars to keep from growling. I grip the bar in my hands behind my back, trying to keep control and hold back the anger I want to unleash.

  A million different ways to kill the guy run through my head, and I contempla
te taking Tiffany to my house, tying her to my bed, and not releasing her until she finally realizes she’s mine—and only mine.

  Fourteen

  *Tiffany*

  I feel his eyes on me, burning hot up and down my skin, and even though the bar is packed, I feel the anger and frustration vibrating off him in violent waves. I can't take this anymore. I'm thirsty, tired, and starting to feel queasy again. It’s not even midnight, and I’m ready to go home. I know if I sit at the table, Josh will follow, and I'll be stuck again. I'm not sure I could escape him a second time.

  I almost lost it earlier, when he had me pinned against the wall. I miss him and having his body pressed so tight to mine, with his wintergreen and spice smell surrounding me and wrapping me in comfort. I almost caved and told him everything, but then the thought of my broken and lost mom came crashing back to me. No, I refuse to hand that much power to a man, the power to destroy me and everything I am.

  If my own dad—the one man who’s supposed to love and protect me from all heartache—rips me apart, then why wouldn't any other man?

  My heart starts to race, and my eyes burn, just like every other time I think about what Dad has done to Mom and me.

  Yeah, it's time to get out of here and back to the safety of my mom's. Forget watching the ball drop. Gabby will have to be happy with the few hours we spent together. We’ll plan a girls’ day soon so we can spend time together. That should make her happy and placate her since I’m ditching the party.

  I thank the guy for the dances and feel a twinge of guilt that I used him as a shield against Josh. He seemed to have a good time and enjoy the company, so I'm not going to let it bother me too much.

  I can't find Gabby or Cam anywhere, and I wonder if they slipped off to get freaky in the bathroom or even left to head home. Spotting Josh at the bar, I make my way over to him to see if he knows where they’ve disappeared to.